(no subject)

24/2/15 09:09 pm
kittysour: (Default)
 today i walked to work wanting to cry but i got there and i did my "job" and didnt stress out about wanting everything to run smoothly or perfect. and yeah it was easier but it still makes me feel so sad to think the kids in my care will never get the best i would love to give? 

i did look at jobs last nigh, got really sad at the thought of not working with kids and then realising that pretty much every other private nurseryy is just gonna be the same as the one im in. im still gonna keep my eyes open but meh. i hate feelin like im stuck :/

there was one highlight of my day though. one of my key children made me a picture when he was at school and was so giddy to give it to me, it had his name on and some of his writing and then convered with hearts. at that point i could have cried (again) if onky because this is totally why i love my job. these lovely little people. gah. why do i have emotions omg.

but enough about work, ill get over it and hopefully i will work out what i should be doing with my life.

in other news. i totally forgot to post the band meme, so heres the first one with the letter w

(no subject)

23/2/15 07:16 pm
kittysour: (Default)
 spoke to the manager and ended up crying. she spoke down to me so bad i felt like a little kid. i explained that i was so confused on what my jib was and how theres loads of negative stuff going round the nursery with most of it feelin like people are laughing at the fact that once again im the one who doesnt know anything.

her response was i shouldnt hav rang in sick last week and she would have told me, and how dare i expect her to ring me on her days off to explain that im needed in another room. i said i didnt need her to baby me (whilst sobbing lol) i was just annoyed that after being so excited to move rooms i was stopped again. she said that i should just treat it as a job and if people dont do their role then i shouldnt let it bother me. she knows i hate that. si then explained that a lot of people have been saying that other staff have been kicking off about what they can and cannot do. again i got a snotty reply about not listening to rumours and how im on,y doing certain jobs because its easier and why would i want it to be harder on other people?!

so basically i sat with her for about 40 minutes crying on and off trying to explain all the stupid stuff in my head, that basically stems from work. she complained that i had a lot of absences which all obvzly go back to my anxiety/depression, and i should just try to let it all go over my head and just keep thinking, its a job and look forward to home time. 

i feel so wrecked and that i didnt even get any of my points across because i was too busy trying not to cry and forgetting everything /o\ its the first time ive felt totally horrible since stopping my meds a couple of months ago

so i suppose i just go an do my job and not care like the rest of them, or drop my hours down to20hrs? or look for another job. im even thinking of just trying for a shop job until i pass my driving test (fingers crossed)

(no subject)

22/2/15 04:12 pm
kittysour: (Default)
 eeek were nearing the end of the alphabet band thing! what will i do when it all finishes :\

todays letter is V so....

(no subject)

22/2/15 12:08 pm
kittysour: (Default)
 so ive spent all morning (well the last hour and a bit) watching old TAI... videos and some others that may have william becketts face in them. this may be because i forgot to add them to the alphabet band meme thing, it may also be because dear lord william is still the most beautiful boy.

also it still puzzles me like a mofo why william/gabe/travis fic was never a huge thing because omnomnom theyre all so tall and pretty and pawable. between them three and the whole lack of desolation row fic with mychem will always be the biggest sighworthy moments of EVER (i would say that im joking, but im really really not *clings to all ze preeeeeeeetttttttttyomg*)


(no subject)

20/2/15 10:12 pm
kittysour: (Default)
 T bands...

team sleep is a side thing for chino from deftones, so if you like his voice which omnomnom, then i highly suggest ;)

(no subject)

20/2/15 03:01 pm
kittysour: (Default)
 its friday! you know what that means?!?! ANOTHER DRIVING LESSON FLAIL

  • i got him to go through the whole clutch thing again in very good detail.
  • i drove along loads of roads that were packed with parked cars and didnt really panic!
  • i think my brain is finally understanding the no need to stop at junctions unless you really have to thing (omg its taking a while *prods brain*)
  • he thinks im doing really well and said that he is pushing me because he knows i can do it! (he told me about another boy who is so nervous and shaky that still isnt close to what im doing even though hes had three times the lessons. omg poor boy let me hug you)
  • if i continue this way and get the whole clutch and other pedal things sorted i should be able to drive myself home next week!
not so yays
but all in all i feel so much better this week then i did last. i wonder if it was the start of me being poorly that made me D: or i just had a brain fail. i did explain to him that i suffer from major anxiety but when im actually driving its not even a thing i think about (which omg was so one of the reasons i put off learning) but yay! OH! ALSO! the dude totally told me he doesnt have a problem with my steering and thats why hes never mentioned it or brought it up (although i do over steer? is that a thing? when turning corners and i need to be quicker to get the car back into position but nothing that is dangerous *fistbump*) i did tell him i was very aware of it on the last couple of turns so i know what to look out for next time so he was more then happy because i acknowledged it.

AND NOW I WILL SIT AND BREATHE DEEP BREATHS and rest my sore ankle jesus D:

(no subject)

19/2/15 11:48 pm
kittysour: (Default)
 its not midnight! im still on time! *rushes omg*

todays bands begin with the letter S!

i feel like i could make a post just on this band, the amount of videos and styles of songs they made is just omnomnom

and finally! you cant have any s bands without ZE STROKES! and because i am the awesomest, i found their best uncut video ;) 

(no subject)

19/2/15 05:54 pm
kittysour: (Default)
 okay back to the bands! yesterday would have been r so....

i debated about adding these, because i did used to like them andi saw them live (they were loads of fun and adorable) but going back and watching some of their videos i didnt like them as much, although i do still like this song. so eh *shrug*

(no subject)

19/2/15 05:15 pm
kittysour: (Default)
 so i know i forgot to do the band thing yesterday (well i didnt forget i just remembered as i was going to sleep just after midnight *cough* so that should be coming up soon. i just need to piss and moan for a bit (its what i do mmmmkay)

SO today i found out that i will not be changing rooms on the 23rd anymore. did i get told this and explained why? noooo, did my manager send me a message to let me know about the change? no dont be daft! no, i had to find out because one of the girls thought it was hilarious that i wasnt moving! and when i asked in the office (the manager is off for the rest of the week) i got told that i probably didnt want to know where i was working next week because i would get angry. turns out that because the girl who was supposed to take over my job has to cover for the girl who has decided she doesnt want the room leader job in the afterschool. which means i cant move supposedly? i dont know how since the girl taking over my job can still be in my room from 9.30! 

i try to do the right thing i never complain and always try to make life as easy as possible at work but it srsly gets you no where. not when theres girls who shout and argue about not wanting to work in certain rooms because they cant handle the kids or they dont like it being busy. uhm ITS YOUR JOB! if i was to say i couldnt cope i would get a blank look and then told to just do my best. but these new girls get whatever they want because they know the management are desperate for staff. its really stressing me out and im actually dreading going in next week now. 

supposedly its only for another two weeks but i srsly cant believe anything they say at that place. it just seems that whenever someone else does something wrong it always falls back on me.and i would love to be able to just shrug it off or pretend i dont see/feel things but pffft. god damnit >:(

the only good thing is im soooooo ready fo my driving lesson tomorrow because the sooner i learn to drive, the sooner i get out of that place!!

(no subject)

17/2/15 11:21 pm
kittysour: (Default)
 today is q and theres really only one band i can think of so here you go...

(no subject)

17/2/15 12:40 pm
kittysour: (sergetour)
 dear lord i think i have the plague, i would ask for help but at this moment in time my brain is more thinking "GO SAVE YOURSELF! THERES NOTHING YOU CAN DO HERE" before i pass out all lady like (and not in a heap whilst coughing all barklike and wincing because my throat feels like its ten times too big and my nose is trying to suffocate me) PLAAAAAAGUE.

so as you can tell im not at work, i thought i would have felt better this morning so didnt ring in work last night, so this morning at 6.50 i croaked to the answer machine that i had the plague. now im trying to find a place to chill that doesnt hurt or yaknow try not to swallow. wah i hate being sick, and it seems to be the main theme of this year already *sniffles* *hackcough* *PLAGUE*

(no subject)

16/2/15 07:43 pm
kittysour: (Default)
 i felt so rubbish this morning, my throat was killing and just general aches and pains. but i forced myself to go to work where i realised that i had forgot to put my glasses on! so i then got a headache too. but luckly i asked the boss if i could leave a bit earlier and with the nursery being quiet i got to leave at 1.30 instead of the usual 6.15! 

my throat and ears are still all groggy and mehlike, im just hoping the aches everywher else will just stop because there is srsly no need >:|

but back to the bands of the day. todays letter is P so...

growing up i was more of a suede and manics girl than the bluroasispulp dealio. but after seeing these guys live i actually fell in love, they are adorable and i do enjoy their songs and i think this might be my fave. 

i gotta say i prefer his earlier stuff compared to the later abums, so i dont really listen to him at all nowadays (this video came out ten years ago say what?!) but it was very pretty at the time

(no subject)

15/2/15 04:45 pm
kittysour: (Default)
 im all confuzzled about the whole driving thing (again, i know) ive only got a couple of more weeks left until i have to pay for more lessons so i know i have to wait it out to see how i feel by then, but meh i hate feeling like im just being picky and stupid. hes a nice bloke, i just dont know why i feel like i need to worry about it ALL the time. (srsly i woke up at 5 this morning worrying if i was making the right decision!? how or why does that happen?!) i am going to try and split te two hours into two lessons and hopefully my brain doesnt go as frazzled as last time :|

but anywho onto the videos! today is the letter O which at first totally stumped me then i had a looksee and here is what i came up with :D

i lolled when i realised i could add these guys XD

gotta have a bit of oasis innit, plus this song is so calm and pretty so *shrug*

(no subject)

14/2/15 10:19 pm
kittysour: (Default)
 todays letter is N so...

tragic kingdom will always be a fave album. even if i never remember until i hear the songs off it! plus uhm hello bb gwen! i always appreciated the confusion of wondering whether i wanted to be her or just make out with her *thumbs up* haha

(no subject)

13/2/15 07:05 pm
kittysour: (Default)
 todays bands all start with the letter m! 

so i start off with my other most favourite band, the ones ive loved for a very very very long time. i would try and calculate it but im old so heh have a video!

next is mindless self indulgence who i love because they are all adorkable bbs who make really fun upbeat music

and thirdly because they come from where i live i just had to choose maximo park because i went through a stage where i couldnt not listen to them and then go and see them live a gazillion times (didnt really get into the last album though :\) this song isnt their most upbeat but it has so many memories attached to it <3

do you love that i started off trying to only do one of two bands and now im up to three! :D

(no subject)

13/2/15 03:20 pm
kittysour: (Default)
 todays driving lesson started off much smooother! i think ive got my confidence up in leftt turns enough not to panic about them. i also remembered most of the stuff he told me (so googling and watching those driving videos did help muchly *fistbump*) i would say the right turns were goig well, but then towards the end off the lessons i had a few bits where i got totally confused and stressed that i didnt stall exactly but at one point the bloke was like "why are you touching the handbrake?! get your hand off the handbrake!!" i can laugh about it now but at the time i was trying to turn on a junction (after stopping the car, whoops) and there was another learner driver coming up as well as a huge ass lorry omg. so yeah, i was so glad to change seats and be driven home after the two hours! hopefully my confidence with the right turns will continue like it did with my left turns last week and i can just keep on moving forward 👍

the obstacles this week were so much harder though, whereas last week i had parked cars and big lorries. this week there was parked cars, big ass lorries ALSO driving cars that kept trying to overtake and cutting me off (dude instructor was not impressed in the slightest, neither was i really lol) reversing big ass lorries! little lorries OH AND LEARNER BUS DRIVERS! like what the actual shit omg

my foot also seems to favour the brake and not so much the gas, which instructor dude kept having to remind me towards the end to get my foot off the brake. i cant help it omg, if im pulling up to a junction where i know theres loads of cars my brain is all kinds of NOPE BRAKE BRAKE BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE

eh i suppose its a practise thing *shrug*

but i didnt hate it as much this week! i didnt love it, but the hate is less so :)

(no subject)

11/2/15 08:51 pm
kittysour: (tomandserge bw)
 today i have spent ALL THE TIME in bed lol. i woke up early but lay around reading for a few hours, fell asleep then woke up read a bit kore till the mumster came home then went back to bed because i was so cold! i finally decided to get up again at 7 i think, then i remembered i had to post my favourite band and guess what?!


K - Kasaaaaaabian obvzly!

(no subject)

10/2/15 08:59 pm
kittysour: (Default)
 just one video cos im sleepy, plus its so pretty and i love this band that one is enough ;)

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