kittysour

 spoke to the manager and ended up crying. she spoke down to me so bad i felt like a little kid. i explained that i was so confused on what my jib was and how theres loads of negative stuff going round the nursery with most of it feelin like people are laughing at the fact that once again im the one who doesnt know anything.

her response was i shouldnt hav rang in sick last week and she would have told me, and how dare i expect her to ring me on her days off to explain that im needed in another room. i said i didnt need her to baby me (whilst sobbing lol) i was just annoyed that after being so excited to move rooms i was stopped again. she said that i should just treat it as a job and if people dont do their role then i shouldnt let it bother me. she knows i hate that. si then explained that a lot of people have been saying that other staff have been kicking off about what they can and cannot do. again i got a snotty reply about not listening to rumours and how im on,y doing certain jobs because its easier and why would i want it to be harder on other people?!

so basically i sat with her for about 40 minutes crying on and off trying to explain all the stupid stuff in my head, that basically stems from work. she complained that i had a lot of absences which all obvzly go back to my anxiety/depression, and i should just try to let it all go over my head and just keep thinking, its a job and look forward to home time. 

i feel so wrecked and that i didnt even get any of my points across because i was too busy trying not to cry and forgetting everything /o\ its the first time ive felt totally horrible since stopping my meds a couple of months ago

so i suppose i just go an do my job and not care like the rest of them, or drop my hours down to20hrs? or look for another job. im even thinking of just trying for a shop job until i pass my driving test (fingers crossed)

 so ive spent all morning (well the last hour and a bit) watching old TAI... videos and some others that may have william becketts face in them. this may be because i forgot to add them to the alphabet band meme thing, it may also be because dear lord william is still the most beautiful boy.

also it still puzzles me like a mofo why william/gabe/travis fic was never a huge thing because omnomnom theyre all so tall and pretty and pawable. between them three and the whole lack of desolation row fic with mychem will always be the biggest sighworthy moments of EVER (i would say that im joking, but im really really not *clings to all ze preeeeeeeetttttttttyomg*)

:D

 T bands...



team sleep is a side thing for chino from deftones, so if you like his voice which omnomnom, then i highly suggest ;)

 its not midnight! im still on time! *rushes omg*

todays bands begin with the letter S!



i feel like i could make a post just on this band, the amount of videos and styles of songs they made is just omnomnom



and finally! you cant have any s bands without ZE STROKES! and because i am the awesomest, i found their best uncut video ;) 

 so i know i forgot to do the band thing yesterday (well i didnt forget i just remembered as i was going to sleep just after midnight *cough* so that should be coming up soon. i just need to piss and moan for a bit (its what i do mmmmkay)

SO today i found out that i will not be changing rooms on the 23rd anymore. did i get told this and explained why? noooo, did my manager send me a message to let me know about the change? no dont be daft! no, i had to find out because one of the girls thought it was hilarious that i wasnt moving! and when i asked in the office (the manager is off for the rest of the week) i got told that i probably didnt want to know where i was working next week because i would get angry. turns out that because the girl who was supposed to take over my job has to cover for the girl who has decided she doesnt want the room leader job in the afterschool. which means i cant move supposedly? i dont know how since the girl taking over my job can still be in my room from 9.30! 

i try to do the right thing i never complain and always try to make life as easy as possible at work but it srsly gets you no where. not when theres girls who shout and argue about not wanting to work in certain rooms because they cant handle the kids or they dont like it being busy. uhm ITS YOUR JOB! if i was to say i couldnt cope i would get a blank look and then told to just do my best. but these new girls get whatever they want because they know the management are desperate for staff. its really stressing me out and im actually dreading going in next week now. 

supposedly its only for another two weeks but i srsly cant believe anything they say at that place. it just seems that whenever someone else does something wrong it always falls back on me.and i would love to be able to just shrug it off or pretend i dont see/feel things but pffft. god damnit >:(

the only good thing is im soooooo ready fo my driving lesson tomorrow because the sooner i learn to drive, the sooner i get out of that place!!

 dear lord i think i have the plague, i would ask for help but at this moment in time my brain is more thinking "GO SAVE YOURSELF! THERES NOTHING YOU CAN DO HERE" before i pass out all lady like (and not in a heap whilst coughing all barklike and wincing because my throat feels like its ten times too big and my nose is trying to suffocate me) PLAAAAAAGUE.

so as you can tell im not at work, i thought i would have felt better this morning so didnt ring in work last night, so this morning at 6.50 i croaked to the answer machine that i had the plague. now im trying to find a place to chill that doesnt hurt or yaknow try not to swallow. wah i hate being sick, and it seems to be the main theme of this year already *sniffles* *hackcough* *PLAGUE*

 im all confuzzled about the whole driving thing (again, i know) ive only got a couple of more weeks left until i have to pay for more lessons so i know i have to wait it out to see how i feel by then, but meh i hate feeling like im just being picky and stupid. hes a nice bloke, i just dont know why i feel like i need to worry about it ALL the time. (srsly i woke up at 5 this morning worrying if i was making the right decision!? how or why does that happen?!) i am going to try and split te two hours into two lessons and hopefully my brain doesnt go as frazzled as last time :|

but anywho onto the videos! today is the letter O which at first totally stumped me then i had a looksee and here is what i came up with :D


i lolled when i realised i could add these guys XD

gotta have a bit of oasis innit, plus this song is so calm and pretty so *shrug*

 todays bands all start with the letter m! 

so i start off with my other most favourite band, the ones ive loved for a very very very long time. i would try and calculate it but im old so heh have a video!



next is mindless self indulgence who i love because they are all adorkable bbs who make really fun upbeat music



and thirdly because they come from where i live i just had to choose maximo park because i went through a stage where i couldnt not listen to them and then go and see them live a gazillion times (didnt really get into the last album though :\) this song isnt their most upbeat but it has so many memories attached to it <3



do you love that i started off trying to only do one of two bands and now im up to three! :D

 today there are three music vids because i couldnt choose! \o/

 just one video cos im sleepy, plus its so pretty and i love this band that one is enough ;)